Yesterday was my birthday. It’s a big number. And while I don’t feel any older than I did when I was 30, or even 40, I am quickly closing in on an even bigger number. My mind and heart feel youthful, but my body insists on telling me that I am getting older. The funny thing about birthdays at this point in my life is that it makes me think of my own mortality and what it is I want to leave behind. Not that I am at all close to leaving this world, but for me, my birthday is a good reminder to hit the pause button and and assess where I am in my life. I have a teenage step-daughter, a tween son and step-daughter and a kindergartner. All their ages are wonderful, (with the exception of maybe some of the social awkwardness that comes with the tween/middle school years, and the adolescent angst), but I would never want to go through those ages again. Even my 20’s and 30’s while, those years certainly had high points, it’s my 40’s have been the best decade so far. I feel, dare I say, like an adult. I am still young at heart. but I am old enough to know better, and have experienced enough to look back and think, why did I not know then, what I know now? I am adult enough to have a mortgage, a good career, responsibility for someone besides myself, yet I feel young enough to enjoy life and laugh at myself. Case in point, take a look at me dancing with Julie’s 2 year-old daughter Ty. I have to laugh at how ridiculous I look, but also smile at how silly and spontaneous that moment was.
Dancing_fools.MOV (1057 KB)
We celebrated my birthday this year with a family barbeque. It was fun, low key and just nice. I also treated myself to a good workout, and a mani/pedi. The workout was great, at my Bar Method class. It is soooo hard. But it makes me feel strong. I love feeling like my body is changing, shaping itself into a better, stronger version of me. The mani/pedi was long overdue. When I walked in I decided I would get a fun color for my toes. Something current, something fun. I chose a beautiful blue. I was going to go for the predictable, understated French manicure on my hands, but in a risky, impulsive move I told the girl to give me blue on my hands! So here it is! An age inappropriate color! E, my 12 year-old and O, my 14 year-old both had something to say about the color when I got home. E said, “Wow. That color is so surprising. It’s kind of unexpected.” I think what she really meant to say was, “Wow, what kind of color ARE you wearing?” I like that it’s unexpected, and surprising. I think keeping something unexpected and surprising in your life is good. It’s good on a birthday, and it’s good anytime you want to feel young enough to be silly, and old enough to feel confident to do something surprising and unexpected.
This was a good birthday. My family was together. N showered me with kisses and presents. J did everything for the barbeque– from prep, to cooking and clean-up. While the celebration was simple, it was special. It was a special day because we marked it together, and it made me stop and look at where I am in life. And when I heard D sing me this song he made up, I knew that whatever assessment I could make about my life, I would probably be too hard on myself. I was reminded that my life is meaningful, because I am valuable to the people I love. Here’s D’s song…”I love my mommy. (Repeat 3x). She is so beautiful. She is my queen. She is my commander. She is in charge of me.”