We are on “vacation” in Key Largo, Florida. Just J and I. One advantage of shared custody is that ocassionally it works out so that J and I can get away. On this occassion, J and I had to use an airline credit to Florida or Detroit. It was an easy call, we chose Florida. We came to relax, to reconnect.
It has been a C-A-R-A-Z-Y month at work. I have an exploding number of cases. Many of which are on deadline. The kids schedule is no better. The end of the school year seems to bring an unending number of obligations, final exams, recitals,award ceremonies, etc. It is hectic. It is life. So this opportunity to get away came at a time when I really could not afford the time, but I couldn’t affoard to waste the opportunity. J and I are managing to squeeze it in despite the demands of our lives. I am glad we did. On our way out of town I worked later than I planned, drove home while dropping off a co-worker whose car had stalled, packed up the kids, drove E to her mom’s, drove D to his cousin’s and finally made it to the airport for our red eye flight. We arrived in Flroiday early the next morning and drove 2 hours to our hotel, where, mercifully we were able to check in early. I slept. Juan slept. When we woke up, we tried to shift into vacation mode. We went down to the pool and tried to relax. Unfortunately, a woman and her teenage daughter were having one of those loud, almost argumentative coversations that only a mother and her teen daughter are capable of having. I thought I left that at home. We moved our towels to the small, nearly deserted beach of our hotel. It is hear where I finally got to BREATHE. And then the Faith Hill song called Breathe, played on J’s ipod. How approriate.
When J, D and I went on our vacation to Colombia it took me about 4 days to feel like I was on vacation. We visited a lot of family our first couple of days, since it was just after Christmas. A few days later we traveled a few hours to the family finca. A day later, I finally felt myself relax. It was the strangest feeling. It was as if my whole being breathed a sigh of relief. Up until that day, I felt anxious. Where everyone else at the finca was busy doing NOTHING, but swimming, eating, reading, drinking, napping, I could not help but feel like we were wasting time. I wanted to see something, walk somewhere, do SOMETHING! And then my body breathed, and I relaxed. I began to enjoy the moment. I was present in the simplicity of a day spent relaxing, lounging, visiting with relatives, even though I couldn’t speak the language. It was wonderful. I have tried to carry this with me since leaving Colombia. It is a challenge.
I am trying to experience the presence of the moment now, writing this post. Blogging forces me to stop and think about the moment. Of course, finding time to write about the moment presents it’s own challenge. Composing this post over the course of a weekend and on several computing devices–Blackberry, I-Pad, and my laptop– I am struck by the oxymoronism (is that even a word?) title of this post and the subject of this blog post.
I think I am more conscious of my body, my spirit not being present in the moment, and the ever present need to feel like I must be doing something. I think that is the best I can do for now. The awareness that I need to be present, to pause and breathe. I try to maintain that awareness with me when I am at work, at home. Perhaps this awareness will remind me, when I am in the stress of a deadline, in a heated discussion, or in the carpool pick up line, to BREATHE. I hope this song and these images on this link below will remind me to do just that.